and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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