he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
