Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
