Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
