woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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