Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
