the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
