I wannas sexs uuuuu
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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