dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
