I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize