Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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