So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Couch. On fire.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
