i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
