The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
