i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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