Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
