I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
