You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize