I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
