Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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