youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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