This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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