I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
