i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
