yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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