i just wanna soil my oats bro
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
