I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
