I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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