i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
