sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
