He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
