I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
