do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
