you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
