If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Pants are for mortals
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
