hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
