You're my little dorito
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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