And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
