I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
