your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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