I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
