If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
