How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
