very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize