i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It's like God shit irony all over that family
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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