Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
