We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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