you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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