he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
