we have officially lost it.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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