You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
