Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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