david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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