if you like me you must not know who I am
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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