woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
