White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
