obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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