WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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