Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
