I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
