he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
