I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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