did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
