you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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