Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
