Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize