My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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