Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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