He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
