Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
